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2.17
The Shadow on the Summit
A Fatal Error and the Burden of the Unready
The Fragile Hope in a Battered File
It was a typical Thursday in my OPD. The waiting hall was a sea of people—farmers from the cotton belt, mothers with infants, the old and the infirm—all waiting for a slice of our time. In a teaching hospital, the OPD is our most vital classroom. I was mid-sentence, explaining the nuances of unexplained fevers to my residents, when she walked in.
She was twenty-four, a mother of two, with eyes that held a strange mix of vibrancy and terror. “I have a hole in my heart,” she said. “Can you fix it, sir?”
She handed me a battered file, its edges warped by the monsoon rains. Inside was the paper trail of a desperate search for health: smudged ink on handwritten discharge summaries, a damp echo report, and a creased chest X-ray. Her husband stood beside her, his hand on her shoulder, his eyes searching mine for a miracle.
I examined her. Her pulse was steady, her lungs were clear, and she appeared remarkably well. But when I placed my stethoscope to her chest, her heart revealed its secret—a soft, telltale murmur and the widely split second heart sound that spoke of an Atrial Septal Defect (ASD). She had sailed through two pregnancies without knowing her heart was under strain. Now, they wanted to fix it once and for all.
The Illusion of Simplicity
In the hierarchy of cardiac interventions, an ASD closure is often seen as “bread and butter” surgery. Our surgeon at the time—a kind, confident man—assured the family. “It’s a simple hole,” he said. “The surgery is straightforward. She’ll be home by the weekend.”
That reassurance filled the room like a warm light. On the day of the surgery, we felt no foreboding. The heart-lung bypass machine took over her circulation, the surgeon opened the heart, and he sutured the coin-sized hole with precision. “I’ll be done in three hours,” he had told me.
Three hours passed. Then four. Then five.
The air in the hospital corridors began to feel heavy. When the surgeon finally emerged, he looked like a ghost. His voice was a ragged whisper. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “The oxygenator—the machine that keeps the blood flowing—ran low. The perfusionist missed the level. Air got into her arteries. It went to her brain.”
He stopped, struggling for breath. “Her heart is beating, but her brain is gone.”
The Silence of the Administrative Heart
The room fell into a horrific silence. A young mother, who had walked in on her own two feet, was now “brain dead” because of a mechanical oversight—a human error that should never have happened. Her husband collapsed; the nurses wept. I stood frozen.
As the Medical Superintendent, this was my failure. I had built the theater, I had recruited the team, and I had green-lit the program. But in that moment, I realized I had built a house of cards. We had the technology, but we lacked the deep, ingrained culture of “fail-safe” checks that cardiac surgery demands.
We waived the charges. We arranged the transport. We did all the hollow things administrators do when they are trying to compensate for a catastrophe. She passed away the next day. Her husband, in a display of grace I didn’t deserve, blamed destiny rather than our hands. But I knew better.
The Courage I Lacked
For weeks, I was a statue. I did not cry. I replayed the error in my mind—the drop in the blood level, the bubble of air traveling to the cerebral cortex—over and over. Then, one evening, weeks later, while sitting with my wife and my elder sister, the dam finally burst. I cried with a violence that stunned them.
“Those little girls,” I sobbed. “They’ll never know their mother because of us.”
That tragedy changed me, and it changed the hospital. As an administrator, I realized we were not yet ready for the relentless precision of open-heart surgery. I lacked the courage to continue. The weight of that young mother’s death sat on my chest like lead.
Instead of pushing forward, I hit the brakes. I let the cardiac surgery program at Sevagram go dormant. I chose the safety of the “non-invasive” over the risk of the “cutting edge.” It was a decision born of caution, but also of a deep, personal trauma.
I retired as the Medical Superintendent with that summit left unscaled. It took another year after my retirement for the hospital to find its footing and restart the program. Even then, it began in fits and starts, haunted by the memory of what had gone wrong.
In medicine, we often talk about our successes—the rankings, the awards, the “miracles.” but the stories that truly define us are the ones that end in silence. I am a seventy-year-old physician now, and I have saved many lives, but the face of that twenty-four-year-old mother is the one I see when I close my eyes. We reached for the summit, but we forgot that at those heights, even a single bubble of air can be a landslide.
For a long time after that young mother’s death, I was haunted by the finality of our failure. In an ICU, when technology fails, it fails loudly and catastrophically. It leaves you feeling that medicine is nothing more than a high-stakes gamble with machines. But as the months passed and I prepared for my final year as Medical Superintendent, I realized that our obsession with “fixing” the heart had blinded us to the soul of the person carrying it.
I had hit the brakes on cardiac surgery because I feared another sudden, violent death. But in doing so, I began to look more closely at the quiet, slow deaths happening every day in our wards—the cancer patients, the elderly, the forgotten. I realized that if we couldn’t always guarantee a miracle on the operating table, we could at least guarantee dignity in the hospital bed. We needed to learn that a doctor’s duty doesn’t end when the “cure” becomes impossible; in fact, that is often where the most important part of our work begins.